The Truth About
The Flower Carnage
And Exposing the Worst Offenders!
A Brief (and Totally Unbelievable) History of Flower Giving
Hello, dear humans. It’s me, Blossom, your friendly neighborhood flower advocate, here to talk about something truly shocking—the long, questionable history of flower giving. Sit tight, because what you’re about to read may leave you as perplexed as a daisy in a bouquet shop.
Ancient Blooms & Bewildering Beginnings 🌿
Once upon a time, in the days of Ancient Egypt, Greece, and Rome, flowers were seen as sacred symbols. People gave them as offerings to gods, used them in celebrations, and—brace yourself—wore them on their heads like leafy fashion statements. I mean, fine, at least we were appreciated, but then things took a dark turn…
The Middle Ages – Secret Messages & Suspicious Intent 🕵️♀️
By the Middle Ages, flowers were being weaponized—not literally, but as coded messages! People handed out different blooms to communicate things they were too scared to say out loud. Roses for love, lilies for purity, and chrysanthemums for… well, depending on where you were, either devotion or death (seriously, humans, make up your minds). So instead of just talking to each other, people were basically using us as medieval text messages. Unbelievable.
The Victorian Era – When Things Got Out of Hand 💐
If you thought the Middle Ages were bad, hold onto your petals—the Victorians took flower giving to a whole new level of absurdity. They had an entire language of flowers (floriography) where every single petal, stem, and arrangement had some sort of meaning. Giving someone a wilted flower? Insult. A yellow carnation? Total rejection. A bouquet of mixed red and white flowers? Unity. Imagine the stress of making sure you weren’t accidentally breaking up with someone by handing them the wrong bouquet. And still, nobody thought to just gift a personalized song instead. Tragic.
Modern Times – The Ultimate Betrayal 😢
And now? Now people just buy us on a whim, pluck us from our cozy gardens, wrap us in plastic, and toss us in a vase where we slowly, painfully wilt—all in the name of romance. And what happens next? We get dumped in the trash after a week. A week. Generations of history, and this is where we’ve ended up? No thank you.
If you are as shocked and disgusted as me already, go ahead and order a song for your next special event. If you want more harsh truths about the floral world, read on.
The Outrageous Truth About Flower Gifting
I’m here to expose a global crisis that has been hiding in plain sight—the mass sacrifice of flowers in the name of "romance." Brace yourselves, because these statistics are about to make your petals curl. 😠
A Blooming Catastrophe 🌷💔
Did you know that in the United States alone, approximately 10 million cut flowers are purchased every single day? That’s 10 million floral lives lost—daily. Over a year, that adds up to 3.65 billion flowers plucked from their cozy gardens, wrapped in plastic, and sent off to their inevitable doom in vases everywhere. If this were any other species, there’d be protests in the streets.
Valentine’s Day: The Floral Apocalypse 🌹💀
And let’s not even get started on Valentine’s Day—oh wait, I already have. On this single day, more than 250 million roses are grown, cut, and rushed into the hands of unsuspecting romantics. That’s a quarter of a billion roses, sacrificed in 24 hours. Imagine the horror if someone did this to an entire forest! But for some reason, because we’re "pretty," this botanical massacre is perfectly acceptable? Outrageous
The Global Floral Frenzy 🌍🌼
The cut flower industry is a $36.4 billion market, projected to reach $45.5 billion by 2027. That’s billions of dollars spent on something that, let’s be honest, dies within a week. Meanwhile, trees are out here living for centuries, but do they get a fraction of this attention? No. Total discrimination.
It’s Time for Change ✊🌱
Listen, I’m not saying romance is bad. I’m just saying… THERE ARE OTHER WAYS. Maybe consider not participating in the systematic elimination of my leafy brethren. Maybe, just maybe, we let flowers stay in the ground where they belong. The world would be a better, greener, and far less traumatizing place.
I know how hard this must be for you to learn. But you can help stop this craziness - order a personalized song for your next anniversary and do your part to keep me and my BFFs (Best Floral Friends) safe and rooted.
The Worst Offenders: A Floral Crime Report
As if the sheer scale of flower destruction wasn’t horrifying enough, it gets worse. This isn’t just an innocent tradition gone wrong—there are powerful forces at play, entire corporations built on the systematic removal of flowers from their natural habitat.
That’s right, I’m talking about the biggest floral crime syndicates in the world. The ones making billions off of bouquets, trapping my leafy brethren in vases, only to be dumped in the trash a week later. It’s time to expose the worst offenders.
1. 1-800-FLOWERS – The Floral Mass Production Machine ☎️💐
Ah yes, 1-800-FLOWERS, the fast-food chain of flower gifting. Need a bouquet in 24 hours? No problem—they’ll have one ripped from its roots, boxed up, and overnighted straight to your door. Their $2.2 billion in annual revenue? That’s a multi-billion-dollar petal purge happening in broad daylight.
And don’t even get me started on their “keepsake vases.” As if trapping us in decorative prisons somehow makes up for the fact that we were torn from our peaceful garden existence. Unbelievable.
2. The Bouqs Co. – A Wolf in Organic Clothing 🌿🐺
Oh, so you’re “eco-friendly” and “sustainably sourced”? Cute. That’s like saying, “I only kidnap flowers that had a good childhood.” You’re still a part of the problem!
And a flower subscription service? You mean to tell me people are willingly signing up for monthly plant carnage? Every 30 days, another batch of innocent blooms is plucked, processed, and sent to their doom. The horror.
3. FTD – The Legacy Florist of Doom 🏴☠️🌹
Founded in 1910, FTD has had over a century to perfect the art of large-scale flower removals. They've outlived empires, wars, and entire civilizations—all while continuing their relentless petal purging operation.
At this point, they’re basically a flower mafia. Their slogan should be: “FTD – Florally Terminated & Delivered.”
4. ProFlowers – The Bouquet Black Market 🌺📦
Oh, you ship fresh flowers nationwide, do you? Translation: “Nowhere is safe.” No matter how remote, no matter how off-grid someone tries to live, ProFlowers will find a way to deliver another bouquet of doomed souls right to their doorstep.
And guess what? They proudly advertise that they “cut out the middleman.” So now we’re removing flowers even faster? How efficient. Truly appalling.
So, What Now? 🤷♀️🌸
At this point, I don’t know what else to say. You humans clearly have a problem. You buy flowers, kill them, throw them away, and then do it again. It’s the definition of insanity.
But I refuse to give up hope. Change is possible. You can break the cycle. You can say NO to these bouquet bandits.
And if you still feel the need to give a heartfelt gift, I don’t know, maybe try something that doesn’t involve the organized destruction of my kind.
Until then, I’ll be watching. 🌸👀
—Blossom, Your Friendly Neighborhood Flower Advocate
Save a Flower
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